


I Never Meant to Sin

by MagnetoTheMagnificent



Series: Avraham, Sarah, and Crawly [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Crowley Has an Anxiety Disorder (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Jewish Identity, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), author is jewish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnetoTheMagnificent/pseuds/MagnetoTheMagnificent
Summary: Crawly only tried to help Sarah, and now she's dead.
Series: Avraham, Sarah, and Crawly [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771066
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> According to Midrash (commentaries), Satan, or a demon, tried to stop Avraham from sacrificing Yitzchak. This demon also spoke to Sarah, and told her what Avraham was intending to do. When Avraham didn't end up killing Yitzchak, the demon told Sarah this. Sarah, overwhelmed with relief, died of shock. I always thought the demon wasn't wrong in trying to stop Avraham, after all, he was going to kill his son. In this story I wrote, Crawly is the demon, and they really were only trying to help, but, because this is Crawly, it doesn't end well.

Crawly looked down at Sarah's lifeless body. This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.  
Crawly wasn't sure if they should stay or run. Avraham wouldn't know what to think at finding the love of his life just dead, but then again, he would probably call on all the powers of Heaven and Hell against Crawly if he found out it was their fault.  
"Crawly?! What's going on?"  
Crawly turned around to see Aziraphale, and they weren't sure how they felt about that.  
"Angel!"  
"What happened? Who did this?!" Aziraphale cried, kneeling by Sarah's body.  
Crawly broke down.  
"I messed up. I was trying to help, and she couldn't take it. Her poor heart couldn't take it," they sobbed, tears streaming down their cheek.  
"She couldn't take what?! Crawly, where is the man of God?" Aziraphale asked, clutching Crawly's shoulders, forcing them to look him in the eye.  
Crawly looked away.  
"He was going to sacrifice Yitchak," they finally admitted, swallowing quickly.  
"What?!"  
"I know! I tried stopping him, I knew it would break her heart. She was so worried when she saw them leave. It was as if she knew what was going to happen. I couldn't just let him kill his son, angel! I even turned into a snake, but he wouldn't be deterred," Crawly continued between cries.  
"Crawly! You interfered with God's plan?!" Aziraphale exclaimed with horror.  
"What was I supposed to do?! He was going to kill him!" Crawly screamed.  
"But he didn't," Aziraphale reminded them.  
"I didn't know that! And when I saw that Yitzchak was safe, I ran back to Sarah to assure her. She went into shock from relief. Oh, Aziraphale, it's all my fault," Crawly wailed into their hands.  
"Yes, I would say it is your fault, Crawly," Aziraphale agreed, but upon seeing how distressed Crawly was, he immediately regretted saying so.  
"Come, Crawly. Think of how pleased your boss will be," he tried comforting them.  
Crawly's yellow eyes looked at him with a mix of hurt and confusion.  
"You think I did this for my boss?! You think I wanted to kill her?! She was my friend!" Crawly yelled, anger boiling up from within their demonic soul.  
"I'm sorry, it's just that you're a demon, it's your job," Aziraphale stammered.  
"I didn't ask to be a demon! I didn't want to be the villain. I just wanted to help. I wanted to heal. It's all I ever wanted," they shouted.  
Aziraphale saw Avraham and Yitzchak approaching in the distance.  
"Crawly, they're coming," he told them, trying to calm them.  
Crawly wiped away a tear.  
"I guess I'll have to own up to it," Crawly said with a sigh.  
"No, he has enough to deal with now. I'll handle it. You get out of here," Aziraphale insisted.  
Crawly glanced at the angel with doubt.  
"Don't worry. I won't tell him anything he doesn't need to know," Aziraphale promised.  
Crawly almost reached out to embrace Aziraphale, but held back. He nodded gratefully before vanishing.  
Avraham and Yitzchak had arrived, and were unsurprisingly aghast at seeing Sarah.  
Aziraphale made his presence known to them, and the two bowed.  
"What happened to her, Angel of the Lord?" Yitzchak asked.  
"Ah, well, you see, it's all very tragic. She was under the impression that you were, ah, going to be sacrificed, and, well, you see, when she saw that you were alive, she, well, well her heart couldn't take it and her soul left her," Aziraphale explained nervously, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Crawly was really gone.


	2. Chapter 2

"Darling, that was magnificent! Tempting Avraham and then killing his wife? Absolutely brilliant!"   
Crawly tried to shut out Satan's praise. They didn't want praise.   
"Crawly, you're finally doing something demonic for once," Beezlebub congratulated flatly.   
Crawly nodded curtly. This was not what they wanted.   
Demons brushed past them, overloading their senses. Crawly shuddered.   
"What's the matter, Crawly?" Hastur sneered, roughly pulling on their hair.   
Crawly winced. The worst part of Hell was the invasion of their personal space.   
"I'd better get back to the surface before the humans get suspicious," they mumbled.   
"Of course. A snake needs sunlight," Ligur laughed, putting a rough hand on their cheek.

Once on the surface, Crawly retreated to their cave. No one knew they made their home there. It wasn't much, but it wasn't Hell. Crawly sat in a corner, repeating their name.   
"Crawly," they let the word roll on their tongue. It didn't sound right.   
It was dank and squirmy sounding, like Hell. Crawly didn't want to have that name.  
They didn't want to change their name too dramatically, just a different vowel, a subtle reclaim of identity, like Avraham and Sarah.   
"Crowley," they whispered.   
"Crowley," they repeated.  
They felt the name wash over them, a redemption. They were making a choice.  
"Crowley!" they shouted into the void.  
"I'm Crowley! I'm Crowley!" they sang, eyes brimming with tears.   
It was a small thing, a name, but Crowley was in control. Crowley's eyes shone.   
"I'm Crowley!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names are really important in Judaism, and every letter has significance. If you want to see my take on Crawly's name change to Crowley, see my Tumblr (magnetothemagnificent)
> 
> https://magnetothemagnificent.tumblr.com/post/617885233401987072/the-real-significance-of-crowleys-name-i-dont


End file.
